When I work with women, I see the same struggle over and over again. They’re wrestling with a feeling that something isn’t sitting right in their business, and they’re trying to work out why.
Is it because they’re doing something new and unfamiliar?
Or is it because they’re doing something that goes against everything they stand for?
The problem is, those two feelings often get confused. And that confusion can keep you stuck.
Uncomfortable happens when you’re learning, growing, and pushing yourself further than you’ve been before. It’s not always fun in the moment, but it’s part of building confidence and capacity. Think about the first time you introduced yourself to a room full of strangers, or the shaky moment before you pressed publish on your first social media post. That’s uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable is normal. It means you’re stretching.
But icky? That’s something else.
Icky is what happens when you say yes to work that doesn’t align with your values. It’s the sinking feeling when you follow advice that feels off, even though everyone else says it’s the “right” path. It’s chasing someone else’s version of success because you feel like yours isn’t good enough.
That’s when the Ickyometer comes in.
What is the Ickyometer
The Ickyometer is simply my way of describing that gut-check moment. It’s not about overthinking or writing a pros and cons list. It’s about noticing how your body responds.
When something’s just uncomfortable, your stomach might flutter, your palms might sweat, but underneath it you can still sense a spark of possibility. It feels like stretching.
When it’s icky, the feeling sits heavier. Instead of nerves, it’s dread. Instead of possibility, it’s a knot in your gut, or it could be a feeling of nausea, a physical reaction or or a voice in your head saying, “This isn’t right.”
That’s the signal. That’s when you pause, take a step back, and ask yourself: is this helping me grow, or is this pulling me away from who I am and what I stand for?
Learning to listen to the Ickyometer
I didn’t always have language for this. For a long time, I convinced myself that any uneasy feeling must be discomfort, and that if I just pushed through, I’d come out stronger on the other side.
Except I wasn’t pushing through discomfort. I was ignoring misalignment.
One of the clearest examples was when I worked with a business coach with Starfish Marketing. Everyone around me was saying that coaching was the smart choice, that I needed a “growth mindset,” that bigger was always better. So I listened. I followed the recipe they gave me. And while some of it was uncomfortable in a good way, trying new strategies, thinking differently, a lot of it just felt wrong.
The advice didn’t line up with my purpose. It didn’t reflect why I started my business in the first place. Every meeting left me with that little knot in my stomach. But instead of paying attention, I squashed it down. I told myself it was just nerves.
It wasn’t. It was icky.
And ignoring that feeling meant I ended up on a path that wasn’t mine.
The path was all about growing the business for growth’s sake. That meant taking on more and more work to “feed the beast”. Work that didn’t align with my values, clients I didn’t truly want to serve, and decisions that left me feeling drained instead of energised.
Now, I want to be clear here. I’m not saying don’t get a business coach. The right coach can be invaluable. What matters is that your values align. A coach should support you in building your version of success, not push you into theirs. If their approach sets off your Ickyometer, that’s a sign it’s not the right fit for you.
Eventually, I realised that bigger wasn’t better for me and that I had lost my purpose. That and some other ‘out of my control’ impacts (hello Covid), saw me scaling back.
Choosing to stay purposefully “just me,” and focusing on alignment gave me back my business and myself. Now my Starfish is sustainable in every sense, ethically, emotionally, financially, and from a practical business perspective. And most importantly, it feels good.
The role of alignment
This is why alignment has become such a non-negotiable for me, in both Mell Speaks and Starfish Marketing.
It’s one of the reasons I always meet with potential clients before taking them on is to check whether we’re a fit.
On paper, everything might look perfect; they need help, I can deliver it. But if their approach to business doesn’t align with mine, if my Ickyometer kicks in during that first conversation, I know it’s not going to work.
Because here’s what I’ve learned: when alignment isn’t there, the work becomes heavy. It drains your energy, it pulls you away from your why, and it never delivers the kind of results that you or your clients are looking for.
But when alignment is there? That’s when the best outcomes happen. Clients get more than they expected. I get to do my best work. And both of us walk away energised instead of depleted.
The same is true for Mell Speaks. When I walk into a room of women who are trying to keep up with everyone else’s version of success, I can feel the icky. It shows up as self-doubt, exhaustion, comparison, burnout. And I know that part of my role is helping them see that they don’t have to stay there.
Why this matters for women in business
Too many of us have been told to ignore our instincts. To “push through” every uneasy feeling. To assume that if something feels wrong, it’s because we’re not strong enough, not qualified enough, not resilient enough.
But that’s not true.
Discomfort means you’re growing. It’s worth leaning into.
Icky means you’re stepping away from your values. It’s worth stepping back from.
And the more you practice telling the difference, the more you can start building your business in a way that actually feels good.
Because being different doesn’t always feel comfortable. But it should never feel icky.
Try this for yourself
If you’re not sure whether what you’re feeling right now is uncomfortable or icky, these prompts might help:
- What’s something in my business that feels uncomfortable right now?
- Is that discomfort linked to doing something new, stretching, or learning?
- What’s something in my business that feels icky right now?
- Is that ickiness linked to misalignment with my values or why I started my business?
- If I listen to my Ickyometer, what decision would I make?
Take five minutes to jot your answers down. The more you practice noticing the difference, the easier it becomes to make decisions that grow your business in a way that feels good, not heavy.
Want help figuring out what’s uncomfortable growth and what’s truly icky in your business? Get in touch to book a workshop or coaching session and we’ll work through it together so you can build your version of success with confidence and clarity.
