Resilience: It’s Not Just About Bouncing Back
When you hear the word resilience, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? For many people, it’s the image of someone pushing through tough times, bouncing back after hardship, or standing strong in the face of adversity. And while that’s not wrong, it’s just not the whole picture.
The classic definition of resilience (thanks, Webster’s Dictionary) is
“an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.”
A solid definition, sure. But let’s be honest, it misses something important.
Because resilience isn’t just about how we respond to hardship. It’s bigger, broader, and far more personal than just bouncing back after life knocks us down.
Rethinking What Resilience Really Means
Resilience isn’t just about survival.
It’s about adaptation.
It’s about how you navigate everything life throws your way; the good, the bad, and everything in between.
It’s about being flexible, open to change, and ready to grow, even when the situation isn’t difficult.
Remember, change isn’t always negative.
Sometimes, the biggest challenges come wrapped in opportunity.
So, I define resilience as
“the ability to adapt, grow, and stay open to change”
Whether that change is challenging, exciting, or simply unexpected, it’s about how you respond and adjust, in a way that stays true to who you are.
Think about starting a new job, moving to a new city, launching your own business, or even tackling a personal challenge like running a marathon. While those moments can feel exciting, they can also bring fear, uncertainty, and a whole lot of second-guessing.
That’s where true resilience comes in. It’s not just about staying strong when things go wrong, it’s about trusting yourself to handle whatever comes next, even when it’s uncharted territory.
To me, resilience is about adjusting and staying flexible in the face of any kind of change.
You Don’t Need to Face Trauma to Be Resilient
I also believe there’s a common misconception that resilience only shows up after trauma or big life challenges.
For example, surviving 2020/21 when Covid hit globally. We all talk about the resilience we developed—how we adapted to lockdowns, remote work, home-schooling, and the constant uncertainty that came with a global pandemic.
But resilience isn’t just built in those massive, life-altering moments. It can also show up in everyday moments. The small, quiet ways you keep showing up for yourself and others.
It’s not only how you handle uncertainty, manage change, or have that difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding. It’s also saying no to protect your time and energy. It can even be found in trying something new, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
These small actions might not seem groundbreaking, but they are powerful reminders of the resilience you already have.
It’s not always about grand gestures or huge comebacks. Sometimes, it’s about the little ways you adapt, shift, and stay true to yourself each day.
How to Recognise and Build Everyday Resilience
So, if resilience is about more than just dealing with hardship, how do you recognise it in your own life? And more importantly, how do you build on it?
Start by recognising the resilience you already have.
Remember – resilience is not always tied to big challenges. It can be found in how you adapt to everyday changes and opportunities.
Think about those times when you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone, faced uncertainty, or simply adjusted to something new.
Maybe it was learning a new skill, adapting to a shift at work, or navigating an unexpected opportunity. Those moments are resilience in action, whether they felt hard or not.
Here are some questions to help reflect on your everyday resilience:
- When was the last time I faced a change, even a positive one, and how did I handle it?
- Have I ever taken on something unfamiliar, like a new project or responsibility?
- How do I react when plans don’t go the way I expected?
Once you recognise where resilience shows up in your life, you can start building on it.
And it doesn’t have to be about powering through tough times. Resilience is just as much about how you grow through change and adapt to new experiences.
Here are a few simple ways to strengthen your resilience in everyday life:
- Practice adaptability. Challenge yourself to embrace new experiences, even when they feel unfamiliar. This could be trying a new hobby, taking on a different role at work, or simply being open to a new way of thinking.
For me, this often shows up in conversations with people who think differently from me. Instead of shutting down or holding tight to my own views, I try to be curious. I ask questions and genuinely try to understand their perspective—it’s not always comfortable, but it’s a great way to expand my thinking and build resilience through openness. - Stay self-aware. Regularly check in with yourself, especially when things are going well. How are you feeling? What’s working for you? Reflecting during positive times helps you build a strong foundation for when life throws a curveball.
I’ve learned to pay attention to signs that I might be pushing too hard. One clear indicator is a recurring dream I have of driving a semi-trailer down a steep, curvy road lined with trees… with no brakes. It’s not hard to figure out what that means! When that dream crops up, I know I’m heading for burnout and need to slow down. - Prioritise balance. Remember, resilience isn’t just about pushing forward, it’s also about recognising when you need rest or a break. Building routines that allow space for rest and reflection makes you more adaptable in the long run.
I make this a priority in my own life by setting clear boundaries. My out-of-office reply says I check emails once a day on weekdays, which helps me stay focused on work during business hours and fully switch off on weekends. It allows me to prioritise time with my partner, Josh, and catch up with friends. Because making space for personal connections is just as important as professional goals. - Celebrate growth, not just survival. Acknowledge moments where you’ve grown, even if they weren’t tied to hardship. Starting something new, making a positive change, or learning from a mistake all deserve recognition.
I’ve made it a point to mark my own business milestones with meaningful moments. As Starfish Marketing (my marketing business) celebrated five years in business (right in the middle of Covid) I bought myself a beautiful bloodstone pendant that immediately caught my eye in a store while taking time off on a trip to Daylesford. Then, at eight years, I bought my dream car: a Mercedes-Benz, something I’d set as a target 25 years previously. Those celebrations were about more than material things, they were reminders of how far I’d come, even through uncertainty. - Lean on your support network. Building resilience doesn’t mean going it alone. Stay connected with people who support and encourage you, especially during times of growth or uncertainty.
I learned this one the hard way when I had to let my team go during Covid. It was one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make. Normally, I’m the “I can get through this” type. But this time, I couldn’t do it alone. I leaned heavily on my professional network (my accountant and HR connections were invaluable). Just as importantly, I let my partner, friends, and even clients know that I was struggling. Their support made the burden feel lighter and reminded me that resilience isn’t about doing it all alone – it’s about knowing when to ask for help.
The most important thing to remember is that resilience isn’t just about bouncing back from adversity, it’s about how you adapt, grow, and stay open to life’s constant changes.
It’s there in the everyday moments, shaping how you move through life’s twists and turns, whether those moments are challenging, exciting, or somewhere in between.
Resilience Isn’t Always About Pushing Forward
Another common myth? That resilience means always striving, always moving forward (even if it’s only a tiny step), always doing.
I believe that real resilience isn’t just about action. Sometimes, it’s about holding steady. It’s about giving yourself permission to pause, reflect, and just be where you are.
I’ve experienced this firsthand in my own business journey.
There was a time when I felt the pressure to constantly push for growth, thinking that success meant always moving forward. Constantly chasing that idea of becoming a business unicorn. But eventually, I realised that bigger isn’t always better. I took a step back and redefined what success looked like for me, which wasn’t about size or scaling at all costs. It was about creating a business that aligned with my values and allowed space for balance and meaningful work.
I even wrote about this shift in mindset on my Mell Speaks blog, Change: The Business Unicorn Myth. It’s a reminder that resilience isn’t just about constantly pushing forward, it’s also about allowing yourself to slow down, reflect, and redefine success on your own terms.
We need to remember that life isn’t a constant sprint which, let’s be honest, would be exhausting. Sprints are NOT meant to last forever (otherwise they would be called marathons, or maybe foreverthons).
We only get one chance at life – and if we’re lucky it’s a long one. Which means we need take rest breaks without guilt. So you’re not failing if you need to take a breath and reset.
In fact, staying present and not rushing into the next big thing is a powerful sign of strength and resilience. You don’t need to be on the move all the time.
Stepping Back Can Be the Strongest Move You Make
And that means there are moments when true resilience looks like stepping back. This could mean re-evaluating your priorities, letting go of something that no longer serves you, or simply taking the time to rest and recharge.
Let me be really clear here.
Stepping back doesn’t mean giving up.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak or that you’ve failed.
It means you’re listening to yourself and making space for what you need.
That’s resilience in action. Recognising when you need to pause and giving yourself the permission to do it.
Resilience Looks Different for Everyone
The reality is, resilience isn’t one-size-fits-all.
It doesn’t always look like standing tall in the face of adversity or powering through tough times. Sometimes, it’s about adapting. Other times, it’s about holding steady or even stepping back. And no matter how it looks, it’s all valid.
Resilience shows up differently for everyone and that’s okay.
It might appear during big, life-changing moments, or it might quietly exist in your day-to-day decisions. It could be in how you handle unexpected changes at work, how you support a friend through a tough time, or how you stay true to yourself in uncomfortable situations.
The important thing is recognising that resilience is already within you. It’s not something you have to earn by going through hardship. It’s something you build, day by day, through the way you adapt, adjust, and keep showing up for yourself and the people around you.
Redefine What Resilience Means for You
So, the next time you think about resilience, don’t just picture someone bouncing back from adversity. Instead, think about how you adapt to change, whether that’s seizing new opportunities, taking a moment to pause, or giving yourself space to rest.
Resilience is about staying true to yourself in the face of life’s twists and turns. It’s about being flexible, recognising your limits, and embracing growth (even if that growth looks different from what you expected).
You don’t need a major life event to prove your resilience. You’re already stronger and more adaptable than you realise.
And acknowledging that strength? That’s the first step toward unlocking even more of it.
So, here’s to embracing resilience in all its forms, big, small, loud, or quiet. It’s already part of who you are and that’s worth celebrating.
